babyfacedkiller | 3rd Jam / Tails and Feathers

3rd Jam / Tails and Feathers

[Lloyd's taken up the habit of tossing a turning quite a bit in his sleep -- just one of the side effects of having shitty dreams -- but as morning begins to dawn, this becomes harder to do. It feels like something is pushing into his rear when he tries to turn onto his back, and there's pressure in his forehead when he tries to turn on his stomach. It's not quite enough to wake him up right away, but it adds a troubling dimension to his already troubled sleep. Soon, it turns into a half daze and he makes a muffled sound of irritation, reaching behind him to get rid of whatever's pushing into his back.

It moves and Lloyd gasps, instantly awake. There's a fucking snake in his bed -- a really big motherfucker, too -- and as he rolls onto the floor, the thing follows him. It takes Lloyd a few seconds of sheer terror while the tail flails around to realize it's attached to him, comes right out of his spine.]

Aw Jesus.

[He lets out a small, horrified moan, as he looks up at his reflection in the overhead mirror. Maybe he's finally in hell. He sure looks the part.

A little while later, once the initial panic has worn off and he's managed, with a little difficulty, to get some clothes on, he ventures out into the hallway. It's early in the morning, but he still hurries in the hope that no one catches sight of him. He has to hold his pants to keep them from sliding down, and it's the tail that pounds frantically on Venus' door.]

Venus, for fuck's sake, open up.

[Private to Duke]

Hey man, you run the pub, right? Was wondering if you could use an extra pair of hands behind the bar.

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[Venus has had her own period of adjustment. Waking up with two huge wings sprouting from her upper back had been disconcerting to say the least. She's managed to figure out how to make them move more or less as she wants them to, but she hasn't gotten used to the sheer size of them. That's why when she turns toward the door, one wing nearly sweeps Bonnie off the couch. The dog gives Venus a startled look, then hops down to trot to the door.]

Go on, girl--it's just Lloyd. [She shoos Bonnie back. There's simply not enough room to open the door with both her wings and the dog in the way.

She's dressed for the day...much as she can be...from the waist down. She's wearing dark blue slacks and her ever-present heels. From the waist up...well, she's wearing a lacy halter-style bra because frankly, that's the only thing she could find that would work around the wings.

She pulls the door open before Lloyd can pound a hole in it, and she takes a moment to assure herself that she really is seeing horns and a tail.]

I've seen a lot of horny little devils in my day but never quite so literally.

[The sight of Venus catches Lloyd so much by surprise that his tail freezes in mid-air, and he just stands there gaping for a long moment, finding it very hard to decide which part of Venus he ought to be looking at.]

Christ, I'm not horny, I'm just-- [He's already working up to a blush when he actually digest what she said.] Fuck, you mean these.

[He reaches up, stroking his thumb over the meeting spot of skin and horn.]

Is your biker still asleep? He'll kick my ass if I see you like this.

[She waits patiently, eyes bright with amusement, while he tries to get his own eyes to choose a safe place to look. Wings or breasts, it doesn't really matter to her...other than describing it that way makes her sound like a take-out order from KFC. She has to find the humor in these situations, and she's finally gotten to the point where she can, at least when the situations don't involve potential death or dismemberment.]

Yes, darling, I mean those. [She probably shouldn't make fun of Lloyd's plight. She's only just now getting to where she can take these random moments of weirdness in stride, and he hasn't been on the boat as long as she has.

She steps back and waves him in.] He's still unconscious, but I doubt he'd mind even if he wasn't. Not enough to kick your ass anyway. [Then, because she can't resist teasing him just a bit.] He might throw a couple of punches, but no kicking.

Edited 2015-03-28 04:37 (UTC)

[Lloyd awaits no further invitation to get himself and his tail inside and out of sight, still holding his goddamn jeans like a dumbass. His gaze is a little shifty and careful as he does his best to focus it on Venus' face.]

I know bikers, Venus. They're territorial people.

[He remembers, although the memory is made foggy by how drunk he must've been at the time, buying a drink for a blonde... well, lady would be too fucking generous a word, and she wasn't even a real blonde, but that's not the point. The point is he also remembers having his face introduced to the bar in a pretty violent sort of way by her bearded Harley-riding freak of a boyfriend.]

I just wouldn't want to damage your boy, you know? If we got in a brawl. I know how much you like his pretty face.

[He speaks with a cadence of a man firmly aware of how much pure bullshit is spilling out of his mouth. Sure, he might get in a punch or two, but he has a pretty good idea how the damage distribution would actually go.]

Bet you don't know them as well as I do.

[Despite her rather flippant response, delivered with a wink, Venus can't deny bikers can be territorial. She can't even deny they can be violent. When it comes to her bikers, however, she tends to think of the boys' tendencies in terms of protectiveness, and as justifiable. She can be a little blind, deliberately though mostly unconsciously so, to the harsher reality of the lives her boys lead.

She closes the door and turns to Lloyd, making no effort to hide the fact she's checking out his tail. She's not the only one. Bonnie is sitting on the floor, head tilted as she appears to consider the possibility that tail is a new toy.

Venus grins, knowing that if it came down to an actual brawl--something she honestly doesn't see happening...but if it did, Lloyd likely wouldn't know what hit him.] I suppose I'll just have to make sure to keep you two apart then, because I really do love his pretty face just like it is.

However, I assume you didn't come pounding on my door to discuss Alex's territorial urges.

No, I --

[He actually isn't sure he's got a very good reason for why he was pounding on Venus' door like a madman. No reason except he hasn't quite learned to take barge bullshit in stride just yet and Venus has a nice reassuring presence that tends to put him at ease. He doesn't feel especially easy though, when the biker dog starts sniffing at his tail and gives it an experimental lick.]

Fuck's sake, Bonnie.

[That feels fucking strange. He withdraws his tail, moving it out of the curious dog's reach.]

I just woke up like this. You too, I guess. They actually kinda suit you. The wings.

[Because the breasts, too, suit Venus pretty awesomely. But he fears that without that clarification, her biker boyfriend might actually wake up from his coma just to deck Lloyd.]

Bonnie, no--be a good girl. [Venus goes to the kitchenette and gets a rawhide chew from a drawer. She tosses it to Bonnie in the hope the dog will be satisfied with it and not decide to start pouncing on Lloyd's tail. Bonnie takes the chew and settles on the floor at the foot of an easy chair, though her ears continue to perk up and she looks over hopefully whenever the tail moves.

Venus nods. She starts to spread the wings and show them off...and knocks a picture on the wall askew. She quickly folds the wings back in.]

Thank you. They are pretty spectacular, aren't they? As floods go, this isn't so bad, though they do tend to get in the way. Taking a bath is damn near impossible and clothing has become something of an issue. [Obviously. She's not shy about showing off her assets but she normally dresses a little more respectably when other people are around.

She points at Lloyd's tail. The horns don't seem like they'd get in the way much, not unless Lloyd wants to start wearing hats. The tail, though, seems like it might be a bit trickier to handle.] Can you sit with that thing?

[It's actually kind of tough to keep the tail from moving, since the thing is fairly attuned to Lloyd's mental state, and as a result, is acting kind of twitchy. Lloyd gives a wince-smile when Venus runs into some technical issues of her own trying to spread her wings. At least he's not the only one finding this awkward.]

Haven't tried sitting down yet. [He hasn't been in a sitting mood. Mostly in a staying curled up on the floor and wishing for some fucking sanity mood.] I guess it'd work okay if it was a bar stool.

But the clothes problem? Tell me about it. They'll throw me in Zero for indecent exposure, if this keeps up.

[Venus has a sympathetic expression. She meant what she said about this being not such a bad flood. So far as she knows, no one's dying or going crazy and that's not something to be taken for granted on the barge. However that doesn't mean these new appendages can't be a problem.]

Honestly, I don't think indecent exposure is a crime here. There might be some individuals who'd object but it's not likely to get you locked up. Especially since you've got a damn good excuse.

[Good excuse or not, she assumes Lloyd doesn't want to walk around bareass naked with his tail, and other bits, flapping in the breeze. She also assumes he's not the type to own assless pants.

She hasn't had a good look so she can't tell just how far down the tail is attached but it's clearly making it impossible to pull his pants all the way up.]

Have you tried opening up the seam to make a hole for the tail?

Edited 2015-03-29 22:55 (UTC)

[Well, there are plenty of people dying and going crazy, like that psycho Zen dude murdering a bunch of people, but that has nothing to do with agitation over extra bodily bits, as far as Lloyd can tell. And no, he's not honestly worried about being slapped with an indecent exposure charge, but he's got to vent somehow.

He lets out a small, irritated sigh, though none of the irritation is directed at Venus.]

I tried it with one pair, then when I put the tail in, the whole goddamn ass part just split right the fuck open.

[His tail starts to swoosh, and Lloyd wraps it around his right ankle, to calm it the fuck down.]

So that's one pair of jeans I can throw in the trash, unless I take up a strippin' career.

[Venus' expression is no less sympathetic but it has taken on a decidedly more amused tone. She can't help it. She can quite clearly picture Lloyd's failed attempt at tail-related tailoring. She tries to conceal it by pressing her lips together but her eyes give it away.]

No, honey, don't do that. I can fix those up good as new. In fact, it wouldn't take but a jiffy to alter your pants to accommodate the tail. I'd just need to reinforce the stitching at the top and bottom a bit.

[Lloyd doesn't mind that laughing on the inside look Venus's got going. He'd probably have to keep himself from cracking up, too, if he heard a dumb story like that. He just hasn't quite been in a belly laughs sort of mood, since waking up looking like a fucking goat mutant, although her offer does cheer him up some, gets him to crack a smile.]

That'd be great, if you could do that. You're a real ass-saver, Venus, you know that?

It's what I live for, darlin' [Not literal ass-saving...well, not usually, but she did love to help. And this, this was such a simple little problem and so easily fixed. Of course she's going to help if she can and hopefully make it a little easier for Lloyd to deal with his new appendage.

First, however, she was going to have to do a few things he might not be so happy about.]

I'm going to need your pants. Without you in them. I'm also going to need a couple of measurements.

Usually chicks ask it the other way around, but alright.

[Being something of an expert at taking instructions, Lloyd doesn't need to be asked twice. He unzips his pants, not being particularly shy about it -- Venus sure as hell isn't delicate in that way -- but careful not to let his boxers slide off in the process of his jeans coming down. He hands the jeans over to Venus.]

You want to measure my tail? It's a big motherfucker, I'll tell you that much.

Now, Lloyd, hasn't anyone ever told you it's not the size that matters?

[She gives him a cheeky grin as she drapes his jeans over one arm. She steps over to a small table in the corner of the room where she's got her sewing machine and associated supplies.]

Anyway, I really just need to know how big to make the hole, and how low. I can eyeball the measurement if you turn around and let me get a good look at your tail.

[...and there's one more thing she never would've said before coming to the barge. At least, not about a real tail.]

No, 'course not. Isn't that what they tell guys with small dicks to make 'em feel better?

[He gives Venus a wiseass look back. He's had a lot of problems in his short life, but that's never been one of them. Thank God for small mercies, right? He follows Venus to the table, and turns around when she asks him to show her his tail.]

It ain't just big, it's also fuckin' dangerous. I took out a lamp in the hallway by accident -- the thing lashed out, smashed it right up. It's a weapon of mass destruction, I tell you.

[It's pointed, like the sort of tail demons are drawn with, thicker at its root where it's attached to Lloyd's spine, and long. And Lloyd's almost wagging it, swishing it from side to side to show it off.]

Or women who are somewhat deficient in the bosom department, but usually it's phallicly-challenged men.

[And some of those men actually believe it. At least they do when she's the one telling them it doesn't matter, but then she can be very convincing. It's part of the job.

She thinks WMD is going a bit far as regards his tail's ability to do damage though she understands the feeling. She's had some of the same problems with her wings. In fact, she's pretty sure there's going to be quite a bit of incidental damage on the ship given that everyone else who woke up with unfamiliar extremities is likely having the same issues.

She studies the tail, making a rough estimate of the necessary measurements.]

It's very muscular, isn't it? I bet you could use it to do all kinds of things. Bet you could even hang from a tree by that tail, like a 'possum. A large, hairless horned 'possum.

[Lloyd has never heard the term phallically-challenged before, but now that he knows it, maybe he'll manage to work it into an insult someday. Sound smart while calling somebody dickless. The things you learn, talking to Venus.

His tail stops wagging and almost visibly deflates, though, at the naked possum talk.]

Jesus Christ, Venus. Couldn't you think of a more flatting description?

[He gives her an affronted look over his shoulder.]

I'd probably crack my skull tryin' anyway, or puke. People aren't s'posed to be hanging upside down like that.

You try taking your wings out for a spin yet?

Now, now--'possoms are adorable. [Sort of.] And I hear they're good eating.

[Other than putting that thought in his mind--because she does have some trollish impulses--she ignores his complaint. She's not sure there's any way to put a large tail in a flattering light. Possibly in a sexual context, but she's half worried if she does put it in a sexual context, Lloyd's head might explode.

She grabs a seam ripper from her sewing kit and begins to take apart the back of his jeans.

She shakes her head.] I went out in the hall earlier so I could spread them all the way out. I even got them to flap a couple times but I haven't gone anywhere yet I can really try them.

[Venus is just full of compliments today, calling him an adorable, nutritious, hairless rat. But if he's being honest, Lloyd has been called much worse.]

We should go to that enclosure place, so you can do proper flight testing. And I could practice my 'possum gymnastics.

We can take Bonnie -- she'll make fun of the both of us.

[Bonnie's head pops up at the mention of her name, and while Venus isn't sure about Bonnie's sense of humor, she does know the dog will enjoy the outing.]

It's a deal--I can break my neck trying to fly and you can break yours trying to hang from a tree.

[Her tone is dry so it's clear she's joking...though she truly is less than confident about her flight abilities.

She only needs a moment to take out the seam. Then she turns on the sewing machine and proceeds to tack down the edges and place a line of reinforcing stitches at the top and bottom to hopefully prevent the seat of his pants from bursting open at an inopportune moment.

She snips off the ends of the threads and hold out the jeans.] See how that fits.

I guess you could rig it up to be something like a giant bouncy castle.

[That would make bone breaking less of a risk, while surely still providing Bonnie with plenty of laughing material.

Lloyd watches Venus work her magic, by now decently accustomed to her new look. When she hands over the jeans, there's a prolonged, awkward moment of him trying to tuck the tail in as he puts them on, but when it finally goes in the hole, it fits real nicely.]

Like a fuckin' glove. [His tail does an upwards swing and Lloyd shoots Venus a grin, obviously cheered.] I'm gonna make all the other 'possum people jealous, with this new line of fashion.

I could, couldn't I? That's what Luna did when I went for a ride on her broomstick, so I definitely could.

[Venus is relieved by that simple solution. She'd fully intended to try out her wings regardless of the possible consequences--life was all about taking chances--but she definitely feels better about it knowing she can reduce the risk of severe bodily injury...though perhaps not the risk of severe humiliation.

She smiles as she tucks away her sewing supplies, pleased that Lloyd is pleased. She can't help teasing him a bit however.]

You might be the envy of the 'possum people but I must point out one can already buy clothing with strategically placed holes. Of course, in that case, it's an entirely different kind of tail being revealed.

[Lloyd might have asked something about the broomstick ride, but then Venus starts talking about strategically placed holes and his mind wanders.]

It's kind of rude, though, goin' around with your dick hanging out of your pants.

[Which isn't to say he hasn't seen guys do just that, but usually they were pretty fucking drunk, and either forgot to zip up or didn't give a shit. There were no specially made holes involved.]

I guess it'd make sense if you had a medical condition. I read in the paper once there was a guy born with his dick the size of an elephant trunk. Probably a hoax, but who the fuck knows, huh?

[Then it occurs to him she might be talking about something a bit less weird, like assless chaps.]

Or did you mean tail like a girl's ass?

[Venus more or less just stares at Lloyd, a mildly disbelieving smile on her face as he rambles his way around the topic of dicks and dick-friendly clothing. He's so damn earnest and it's endearing. It also leaves her undecided as to whether to laugh or pat him on the head, or just continue to enlighten him on the strange and wonderful world of sexual fetishes.]

I was referring to a woman's ass, however I can assure you there's clothing made with all manner of body parts in mind. Can't say as I've ever encountered a dick that big however, and thank God for that. [She's encountered men who made outrageous claims about their dick size but it always turned out to be nothing more than talk.

She makes a little shooing motion.] Come on then, now that you're decently attired, let's go give that tail a work out, see what it can really do.

[Well, Venus would know about weird clothing like that, Lloyd doesn't see anything wrong with assless pants, when they're on strippers and whatnot. That's pretty hot. But dick pants, that he's much less sure about.]

Yeah, I figure a dick stops being fun when you start trippin' over it.

[He gives Venus a dryly wise look, as he heads for the door.]

C'mon, Bonnie, let's go for a walk. Sorry you had to listen to that shit. You're a real lady, I can tell.

[A lady Sumo wrestler, maybe.]

I certainly can't imagine one that size being useful for anything other than perhaps gaining you an entry into the Guinness World Record book.

[She suspects some guys might be okay with that, with having the biggest dick on record because for some guys it did seem as though size was all that mattered. Personally, she can't see the point of having one of any size if one couldn't have fun with it.

She clicks her tongue at Bonnie and gets her leash from where it's hanging from a hook next to the door. Bonnie eagerly trots over, wiggling impatiently while Venus hooks her to the leash.]

She is a lady. And I'll give you a word of advice--don't forget that unless you actually do want my biker boyfriend to kick your ass. He doesn't take it kindly when people fail to respect his girl. [she says this in a light, almost sing-songy manner as she opens the door. She's kidding--mostly--but if someone ever posed a serious threat to his dog, well, it might not turn out to be a smart move on that person's part.]

[Lloyd goes out into the hallway, considerably less self-conscious now that he isn't in danger of accidentally flashing somebody. Besides, if somebody sees them, he's pretty sure Venus will get most of the attention.]

Venus, have you seen her fuckin' jaws and bodybuilder physique? She doesn't need no biker kickin' ass on her behalf. It'd take a real moron to mess with a pitbull. Even a lady pitbull.

Isn't that right, Bonnie?

[Venus locks the door behind her. She doesn't always bother--she doesn't really have anything worth stealing--but she's not willing to leave Alexander vulnerable even if it's only to sharpie-wielding pranksters who want to draw dicks on his face.

She is completely unconcerned about her own state of dress, or undress, depending on how one looked at it. Yes, she's only wearing a bra but the truth is, even if she modified one of her tops to accommodate the wings, she wouldn't be concealing much more than she already is.

Bonnie woofs at the sound of her name and Venus smiles as she sets off down the hall.] Bonnie's a sweetheart. She wouldn't hurt anyone who wasn't trying to hurt her. Or Alexander. But you're not wrong. She'd be a formidable foe and only an idiot would provoke her.

Of course, that's true of more than a few people on this boat--most, in fact, could be formidable foes-- and the universe has never been short on idiots.

Yeah.

[Lloyd lets out a sigh, as they head in the direction of the stairs. Speaking of formidable foes...]

You hear about that guy Zane? Went nuts, murdered a bunch of people before they took him down. Even managed to take out Captain America, with the dude's own fuckin' shield.

[And that all happened over the course of the last few days. Some people are still acting funny.]

I hope you got your spider-shootin' taser gun with you. Bonnie's got her chompers and 'least I got the tail now. If it can take out a lamp, I bet it can do some damage to an asshole's face.

[His tone is casual enough to get across that he doesn't think the danger is too serious now, and he hopes it's all just talk and no nutcase actually jumps them. But that doesn't mean they should be letting their guard down, either.]

That was horrible. Has anyone figured out why he did it? [Venus nods, suddenly feeling the urge to shake off a chill. She hasn't heard all the details but Zane's murder spree was not something easily ignored. Not easily explained either, and honestly, he's not the only one acting strange, and she means strange even for the barge.

A small smile creeps across her face. She has no idea what kind of fighter Lloyd may be but he can't be any worse than she is. Honestly, Bonnie might be the best fighter of the three of them.] I suspect your tail could do quite a bit of serious damage but I sincerely hope we won't have to test that assumption. However, I do have my spider-blasting space gun, just in case. I can even hit my target nine times out of ten.

...well, maybe eight times out of ten, but my misses are not as far from the target as they once were.

He just lost it. Made a whole speech about how awesome murdering was. Some bullshit about God tellin' him to do it, the fucking usual. But they say that he would've gotten demoted if he was being himself, so it's gotta be something else fucking with people's heads.

[He's going to talk to Dean later, see if the guy has any insights, but at the moment he doesn't really have much of an idea what brainwave-altering virus is going around. As for fighting ability... well, nobody is going to ask Lloyd to star in the next Rocky flick. He's decent in a bar brawl, probably more athletic than the average Joe, but compared to the magical special forces people the barge seems to be full of, he isn't exactly spectacular.]

Didn't know you were hittin' the firing range. [He shoots Venus an impressed look.] And with the wings, you could fly around and snipe at people. Add a whip to the outfit and you'll be giving Wonder Woman a run for her money.

Edited 2015-04-10 19:27 (UTC)

I don't know Zane personally but I strongly suspect that's true--there's likely something else going on. [Because seriously, when is there ever not something else going on? The something elses don't normally lead to homicidal rampages but damn if this ship doesn't mess with people on a regular basis.

Back home, Venus would likely have never concerned herself with learning to use a gun, not well anyway. She has always done her best to avoid violence whenever possible. On the barge, however, it simply doesn't make a lot of sense to go around unprepared, and if she's going to have a weapon, she's going to learn to use it properly. It's just common sense and although Venus can come off as a bit flighty, she's generally a sensible woman.

She gives him a mock pout.] Honey, please--Wonder Woman's got nothing on me. Including the whip.

[Of course Venus puts her whip to a much different use.]

Alexander's done his level best to help me improve my shooting skills but I think it best I not get ahead of myself. Flying and shooting at the same time is probably a feat better left to the professionals.

[It takes a lot of reservation not to make a pun about extra hands, this flood.] Sure could. Have you ever tended bar before?

[Lloyd, in an effort to look more respectable, has so far kept his tail out of the frame, but there's shit he can do about the horns.]

I covered a shift for a friend once.

[But that's not a topic he'd like to linger on, mainly because he doesn't remember how well that went. The only thing he remembers is the next day's hangover and split lip.]

I'm not sayin' I'm some expert drink fixer, but I got some relevant experience. My last job, it involved dealing with all sorts of people, cleanin' up messes, keeping a lot of balls in the air.

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3rd Jam / Tails and Feathers

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